


Anniversary

by bioticbootylover



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: hey look ma i think i can write, kinda angsty kinda not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 07:43:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18734647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bioticbootylover/pseuds/bioticbootylover
Summary: Kaidan spends a day with Shepard's father marking an important event in their lives.





	Anniversary

**Author's Note:**

> I did some keysmashing on a particularly angsty day involving my favorite couple and this came out. So enjoy.

Kaidan pads heavily to the unmarked door, knocking solidly to alert the occupant inside to his presence. When opened it reveals the same man he sees every year on this day, though a little more worn and a little more tired. 

“Traffic alright?” The elder man asks, just as he does every year. 

“Nothing I couldn’t handle,” Kaidan responds in turn, reciting the same lines as if they were actors in a play. And in a way, it felt like that.

Both men moved through the motions of the day as they did for everyone, but on that particular day, things were a little harder. They’d been doing the same thing for five years, ever since Kaidan had found out the other was alive, and although some might call them crazy or say that they weren’t helping themselves, both men were content with their tradition. 

Thomas Shep ard steps aside to let Kaidan in, gesturing to the paper bag in the other’s hands. “You want help with that?”

“I’m okay, thanks. Fridge fine?” Thomas nods, reaching down to pet the large golden retriever at his side before walking out to the patio. Kaidan unpacks the beer, placing one case in the fridge and carrying the other outside to the table. Thomas has already made himself comfortable in the right chair, leaving Kaidan to take the left. He was pretty sure he was the only person who ever sat in that chair, as Thomas rarely had visitors to his home.

“So. How have you been?” He doesn’t look at Kaidan when he asks, just stares straight ahead to watch as the sun continues to set, the orange glow on the horizon illuminating every wrinkle on his face. Kaidan notices a few more, notices how the sadness in his eyes seems to deepen with every passing year. Was this to be his future as well? 

“Fine. Still in the Alliance but you know that. How about you?” This was how the conversation always went: small talk to pass the time, never getting into deep subjects in case it led to a discussion about  _ her.  _ They’d discuss the weather and maybe sports if either of them had paid attention to any game long enough during the year to have enough to talk about. Thomas would ask about Kaidan’s parents and Kaidan would ask about Thomas’ dog. And then they’d drink until there was nothing left to drink and shake hands and Kaidan would head home and dream of her just like he always did. 

“Fine. I helped an older couple down the street finish the rebuild of their house this week. It took forever to get all of the supplies we needed, but it finally happened. We’re getting to a point where there isn’t much left to rebuild, is there?”

“No, it’s coming to a close. I’m sure there’s things here and there that might have to be patched but it’ll be easy to fix along the way. They’re estimating that the Citadel reconstruction only has a couple of months left too, and it’s mainly cosmetic.” Thomas gives a hum of acknowledgement, reaching over to grab a beer from the pack and taking a long swig once he gets it open. Kaidan follows suit and stays silent while trying to recall any tidbit of any sports game he’d seen recently which hadn’t been much. “Weather’s been nice,” he remarks in a last attempt to continue the conversation while any sports news seems to be unable to be thought of. 

“It has been. It’s supposed to rain next week.” The dog perks up as if the word ‘rain’ is something he should worry about. But after looking around for a moment and finding everything fine, he lays his head down back on Thomas’ lap. “I heard the Canucks won the cup again this year. You and your folks must have enjoyed that,” Thomas breaks the silence much to Kaidan’s appreciation while he scrambles to remember that it happened. Days had blended in together ever since  Allie had left, the five years since she’d disappeared seemingly passing in the blink of an eye.

“Yeah, Dad was happy. Mom has to hide his jersey otherwise that’s all he’ll wear on the weekends.” Thomas chuckles but it doesn’t quite meet his eyes leaving Kaidan to wonder if it’s the same look that he has, the reason his crew always has such a worried look on their faces when they think he’s not looking. 

“That’s good. That’s good,” he repeats, continuing to nurse his beer. They’d burned through two topics at once which meant their silence would sink in a bit earlier than it normally did. It should say something, about how much Allison influenced their lives that both men once strong and steadfast were left silently grieving and unsure about their lives, simply from her disappearance. The silence is filled by the sound of waves against the shore underneath them. It’s soothing, or at least it should be. But the knowledge that this was the house that Allison adored, where she’d admitted sheepishly to both of them at some point that she’d wanted to raise her children there,  _ Kaidan’s  _ children, leaves a bitter taste over the whole thing.

Thomas had given up on trying to figure out why Allison had disappeared. Still grieving the deaths of his wife and other children, losing his only daughter simply fell into line with everything else he’d been dealing with. It hadn’t made sense, but then again, nothing had made sense since the Reapers had invaded. It seemed to him as if life was merely catching up to him, giving him the same bad hand it had to everyone else. Perhaps years of having as close to a perfect life as possible had pushed the envelope too far. He’d lost his daughter once, and come to terms with the idea that she was gone before the news had been delivered that they’d gotten a second chance. While he wasn’t pleased with her cooperation with Cerberus, he knew his daughter well enough to know that she did nothing by accident; everything had a purpose.

But maybe the fact that she’d cheated death, though not by her own doing, left the scales of life off balance. It had to reset. What else would do it best other than taking the life of the person who had cheated the system in the first place? The issue wasn’t that she died, however, no, that could have been dealt with. It was the fact that she was just…

Gone. 

No word, no trace, no note. Nothing. 

Allison had disappeared without a trace and there wasn’t a single person in the whole fucking universe who knew why.

That was the hardest part for them. Not knowing  _ why  _ she’d left or where she’d gone. Had someone killed her and dumped her body somewhere in retribution for someone they loved having died as a casualty of the war? Had she decided that enough was enough and just walked off so that no one could force her into the physical therapy she hated? But surely she would have come back after a bit? Or maybe, just maybe, and this wasn’t something that either man would admit though both had thought on it extensively, she’d grown tired of all of them. Perhaps domesticity had been too overwhelming, and the small sample of what it had been was too boring for a woman who risked her life on a daily basis to save the universe. How could any of them measure up to  _ that _ ?

“Do you think she’s still alive?” Kaidan asked hoarsely, breaking the silence that had passed for...two hours already? A glance down towards the table shows that they’d mindlessly already made it through one case of beer, and sometime during his reverie, Thomas had brought the second one out. 

The other freezes, beer halfway to his mouth with a look that screams how much he doesn’t want to discuss that. It wasn’t apart of their script, it wasn’t what they  _ did _ . Slowly, after a pregnant pause does he place his beer back to rest on his knee, weary eyes somehow looking even more distressed before he takes a deep sigh. “I don’t know,” he answers sim ply, and honestly.

“But surely you have some idea…? I mean, why else wouldn’t we know anything? Why else wouldn’t we have...a note, or a sign, or a trail to follow? She was struggling to walk, she was struggling to do  _ anything _ . If she was going to make it far then s he would have had to have gotten help from  _ someone _ . There’s no---”

“How many times,” Thomas interrupts sharply, “have we said that something was impossible involving her? ‘There’s no chance she died. There’s no chance she’s alive. There’s no chance she’s working with Cerberus.’ Every time we doubt her, she proves us wrong, and this time? This time I don’t want to think either way. Maybe she is, maybe she isn’t. If she isn’t then she doesn’t want anything to do with us otherwise she would have made an effort in some way. To let us know she was okay, or to tell someone not to follow her...and if she isn’t?” He loses steam at this point, his previously frustrated and angry demeanor traded in for one of the man from before, broken and grieving. “If she isn’t then I need to work on letting her go. Letting that hope go too, because there is  _ nothing  _ worse than false hope.”

“I can’t do that,” Kaidan replies quietly, wearily. Although he is no longer a young man, the weight of all that he has been through makes him look years older than he is. “The moment I let go of that hope is the moment I’ve lost her. I’ve already done that once and I’ll be damned if i’m going to do it again. I have to believe that she’s out there somewhere. I have to believe that she loved me every bit as much as she told me she did.” 

Thomas stares at him for a moment before standing up, placing a hand on Kaidan’s shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. “She did. If there’s only one thing I know about Allie, it’s that she was madly in love with you. There was no one else for her  _ but  _ you. I...I would like nothing more then to see her back here with you getting all she dreamed of. But  _ realistically--- _ ”

“ _ Realistically _ , she never should have come back from the dead. But she did. Like you said, how many times have we said that something was impossible involving her?” It’s a blink and you’ll miss it moment, but Thomas’ lips raise in the slightest of smiles, an  _ honest  _ smile, before dropping back down. 

“It seems you have enough hope for the two of us. You can harbor hope and I’ll grieve. If either of us finds out anything else, we can switch sides.” Kaidan gets another squeeze before Thomas grabs the case of beer to bring inside. “You’re more than welcome to stay as long as you want, but I think I should head inside to bed. I’ll see you next year.”

Kaidan waits until the other is inside before he stands up and leans against the railing. The last time he’d done this, Allie had been by his side, happier than he’d seen her in a long time. He’d broken her out of the hospital after one too many rages left her in tears over both her condition and the dull sight of the hospital walls for too long. He’d reassured her despite her tear y confessions that she was scared he wouldn’t love her the same now that she was broken, and they’d confessed their love for each other before showing it in the master bedroom. His eyes flutter shut at the memory, and if he focused hard enough he could still feel the brush of her fingers on his face.

“Come home to me, Allie. Or hell, let me come to you. Just...give me something, baby. Give me  _ anything _ .” 

The wind picks up for a moment, as though trying to answer his request but once it stops he’s left with what he’s had since she disappeared:  _ nothing _ . 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, constructive criticism feeds my soul and makes me happy.


End file.
